Findings

I’ve recently become a fan of Harper’s “Findings,” strings of current “scientific” findings composed into a single paragraph without a discernible ontology.  They are one of the few sources of text that insight on-site guttural laughter on my part.  Here’s a recent clip compiled by Rafil Kroll-Zaidi for the January 2011 issue:

“The practice of black magic and the popularity of the Harry Potter franchise were both endangering India’s wild owls. American herpetologists traveled to a restaurant in Vietnam to examine a previously undescribed race of all-female lizards but arrived to find that a “crazy guy had gotten drunk and served them all to his customers.” Japanese ichthyologists concluded that the small size of “parasitic dwarf” male Lamprologus callipterus fish, which are only 2.4 percent the size of “bourgeois” males who build snail-shell houses to attract mates, enables the parasitic males to sneak into bourgeois houses and fertilize the females. Two Spanish malacologists unveiled a massive study describing 209 new species ofTurbonilla snail. “There were so many,” said one of the micromollusk experts. “And they were so small.” In Burma, a newly discovered noseless monkey was assumed to be critically endangered because—despite its efforts to keep its head tucked between its legs on rainy days—it sneezes whenever rain falls into its nasal cavity and thereby alerts hunters to its presence. Researchers discovered a gene for liberalism and now know how the leopard got its spots.”

Full text available here.  A google search for “Harper’s Findings” will also elicit the following post at HTML giant.

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